I don't mind taking care of the people I love- it's what I do best, in some ways.
Yet, I also need to be able to depend on them. I need to know that they won't have to be babysat to complete things I must ask of them, and that they'll do the job right. I don't ask for much, at least I don't think so, so when I request the trash get taken out, I don't expect to have to go through the house and get the rest of the trash that was left behind later.I expect someone who can at least slowly work towards their own goals, and be relatively self-sustaining.
It's not that I don't appreciate someone around the house doing laundry and dishes, but I need someone who respects me enough to treat me like an equal- no lies, no manipulation, no half-assed efforts to get me off their back, no avoidance or silly games. I don't have children, much to my dismay, so it would be nice not to have another soul completely dependent on me, trying to get out of the things I ask them to do. I am a woman, and perhaps I have an old-school frame of mind on what a man should be, but I want an equal, someone who pulls at least their own weight, who I can trust to make the hard choices to keep me, and us, safe, even if those are difficult choices like needing to separate for a while. I want love and partnership, not a lopsided merry-go-round that always comes back around to the same damn issues and me being tired and frustrated with a situation I've done everything I'm capable of to fix.