Major Small Victories

Yesterday was a definite life-altering event.
Today, hubby and I did a lot- and almost all of it public. We got up early and went to the mall, where I got a pedicure and my hair touched-up, the latter of which almost ended with me freaking out... almost. I get why having my back turned to anyone freaks me out, but I can't comprehend how every other person on the PLANET seems to WANT their back to EVERYONE. My wonderful service dog even started getting upset at one point. The stylist had me sit at the back of the salon, while she had several other clients, right next to several people I didn't know, while multiple people walked back and forth in front of me. I had left Sugar with the husband, thinking it would be quick and easy- he had to bring her over to me, for which I got a great deal of dirty looks from said stylist.
Anyway, we went to see Buffalo Boy briefly after that, then lunch- at a restaurant. And then my husband took me to two different stores, and bought me a new pair of cowboy boots, a new straw hat, and a really cute necklace-earring angel wing combo.
I haven't been out in public nearly this much in.... I don't know- a really long time.
Granted, it's Saint Patrick's Day, and everything was relatively quiet (due to pre-gaming, I assume) but I did it- and without meds. I'm really, really happy. It wasn't as easy as I wish it had been, but I'm so thrilled I managed it all.
I may never be happy in the same way as I used to be, but I'm getting better, even if it's never the same... and it won't be.

Two Days Of Me

It's Monday evening, and the first day of the workweek has drawn to a close.
It's been a mostly positive weekend, though full of overwhelming stimuli. We went to a movie Friday night- my first time in a theater since I got my service dog about a month and a half ago. It went very well, though she won't be sitting/lying on the floor next time, as she likes eating the icky popcorn off the ground. We went to see the Harlem Globetrotters on Saturday night. I was sure I'd lost my mind even trying that, but, between a service dog, medication, my husband, a good friend and his girlfriend, we made it through it fairly well. It was my third time seeing their show, but it was almost as funny as the very first time. My husband and our friends loved it, and it was their first time- overall, it was worth the effort, and I didn't completely lose my mind.

.........................................
And, now there's this......
Getting out of the Army has been something I've generally viewed as a positive the last couple months, maybe more. It's been a big part of who I am for the last few years, and it never really occurred to me that it would ever hurt to lose that...
Until I read this.
The military is opening up THOUSANDS more jobs to women.
You know, all those jobs I wanted to be able to do, but couldn't, because I'm  a "girl".... yeah, I could do them now, if only I wasn't broken beyond repair.
My heart is breaking in a way I didn't know it could.
Being part of the division colorguard, being aid station NCOIC and standing up a non-existent aid station as a SPC with three years in the Army, the 270 PT score and hopes for a 300....
That woman is dead.... No, that SOLDIER is dead.... And she's never coming back.
My heart is breaking.
There's nothing I can do about it.