Sunday

One would assume that not ever getting out of one's pajamas would mean it'd be nearly impossible to have any sort of difficult day, right?

Wrong. 

I fell apart first thing this morning- just a complete train wreck. Once again, I'll leave out the gruesome details, but, as you might have noticed from my previous post, it was pretty bad.

We came to a conclusion, though, and decided we'd try to go through the VA to see about in vitro fertilization once I get out of the military. I don't want to wait five years to get around to something we want so badly, especially when it's something nobody can ever be truly or completely prepared for.

I'm not ready to return to treatment tomorrow, to deal with the week ahead or try to face the people I know I will have to. 

I just want a break from the "real world".

Major Small Victories

Yesterday was a definite life-altering event.
Today, hubby and I did a lot- and almost all of it public. We got up early and went to the mall, where I got a pedicure and my hair touched-up, the latter of which almost ended with me freaking out... almost. I get why having my back turned to anyone freaks me out, but I can't comprehend how every other person on the PLANET seems to WANT their back to EVERYONE. My wonderful service dog even started getting upset at one point. The stylist had me sit at the back of the salon, while she had several other clients, right next to several people I didn't know, while multiple people walked back and forth in front of me. I had left Sugar with the husband, thinking it would be quick and easy- he had to bring her over to me, for which I got a great deal of dirty looks from said stylist.
Anyway, we went to see Buffalo Boy briefly after that, then lunch- at a restaurant. And then my husband took me to two different stores, and bought me a new pair of cowboy boots, a new straw hat, and a really cute necklace-earring angel wing combo.
I haven't been out in public nearly this much in.... I don't know- a really long time.
Granted, it's Saint Patrick's Day, and everything was relatively quiet (due to pre-gaming, I assume) but I did it- and without meds. I'm really, really happy. It wasn't as easy as I wish it had been, but I'm so thrilled I managed it all.
I may never be happy in the same way as I used to be, but I'm getting better, even if it's never the same... and it won't be.