I'm working hard to return to who I am.
I have been reading quite a few blogs and articles today and general subjects I'm interested in, as well as watching indie movies and documentaries.
I'm not a Soldier anymore, and that part of who I was is no longer- I need to accept that, and to let that part of me go. I am still my very hippie, nature-loving, self. I am still a vegetarian, still a wife, still someone who needs ink, and words and the outdoors. I'm still someone who needs to improve my life to better blend it with the natural world.
Today, my husband told me to stay home and relax- a few days of my very negative, depressed emotion has taken it's toll on both of us. I took his advice, and am feeling better. I need to work harder at remembering to take my supplements, because the fish oil, vitamin b complex and cranberry extract all seem to do wonders for my emotional state- far more than the medications the doctor keeps trying to prescribe have done.
Anyway, my husband remembered the reusable grocery bags I'd bought him off of Amazon to keep in his truck- and, finally, because of this one small detail, I remembered I was having some sort of impact on the world around me somehow.
With that said, I could buy things more locally, and not order from Amazon. We do our grocery shopping at smaller, at least local chains, if we must shop at chains. I don't like Wal-Mart, either for the crowds or the consumerist BS that accompanies it. If something doesn't sell as well as Wal-Mart expects, they simply throw them out- it's no skin off their very large, high-income nose. Smaller grocers and stores do not have that luxury. They lose money for things that are not bought, and they feel it, so they try not to buy more than will be purchased and, one would assume, used.
So, why do I buy things online? The only gas used in the transportation of my purchase is as much as is required for exactly what I intend to use. There's not a truckload of goods coming for each thing I purchase, the rest of which may or may not be used.
It's not much, but it's a start.
I hope this is the start of my upward motion- I certainly feel better than I have in days.