Tuesday, February 7, 2012


I wonder if people typically labeled as "shy" have a lot of anxiety?
I've danced on bars before, completely sober and, yes, completely clothed, thanks for asking.
Now, things have changed.
This past Saturday, I broke down in tears in the truck on the way to run errands- because people could see me. Seriously, that was my new trigger.
Needless to say, I've never experienced anything like this. I have always been outgoing, outspoken and strong-willed. Now, I can't even seem to get out of my own way, let alone the house.
My service dog's training sessions (which you can read more information on here- new window) seem to be the only time I'm able to get out comfortably. I used to go to one particular bar, no lie, four to five nights a week. I didn't drink then, and there's never a cover charge for women at this particular bar, and I knew all the regulars, bouncers, bartenders, the owner and the dj. I just danced, talked, and had fun- and the crowds didn't really bother me much.
I miss being able to do that.
Occasionally going to a restaurant is the best I seem to be able to do lately, and I can't tell you how much that bothers me. This "shy", anxious, high-strung person is not who I know myself as. I have always liked people. Now, I actively avoid them, as individuals and groups. I do alright in a hoard of service-dog-having folks, but, even with my husband, I just cease to function.
I miss me.

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